ROW80 Check-in #80 A Tribute

The writing challenge that knows you have a life.

I lost my father-in-law this week. He’s at peace and although this does help, I have a long road ahead before I’m through all the stages of loss and grief.

I moved through denial pretty quickly. I’ve actually been dealing with this one for weeks. I kept hoping he would get better, that cancer would let us win. I’ve been angry a lot. I’m pissed that he’s gone, that I only knew him for 18-years, but mostly I’m angry that my boys won’t have him around. Thank goodness for pictures and videos. I’m starting to deal with bargaining. Depression is most definitely here. I’m so very sad. I can’t, just can’t put that in words. Acceptance will come, I know, but today I’ll cry.

My FIL was an amazing man. He met his wife of over 50-years when he was 16. He knew then that she was the one. She’s one lucky lady. He was a proud Navy man who enjoyed talking about his years of service. He raised two incredible sons. Although he hated high school, he excelled at games like Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy. He was one of the smartest men I’ve known. If you had a question, about anything, he was your man.

He was a techy guy too. With his thirst for knowledge, he kept up on all the changes, but he hated Facebook. We talked about it a few times, but he just never got on board which is why I didn’t mention him there this week. It didn’t feel right.

I can’t tell you how many times he and I would sit at the dinning room table. I would be typing away and he would be searching for something. Throughout the day we’d share things. These little talks will stay with me always.

He also had a love of music, from classical all the way to AC/DC. He loved to rock. Many times I entered their house to loud, very loud music. He is definitely behind my husbands love of music. One of his all time favorites was Bob Seger – Old Time Rock n Roll.

So, this one’s for you, Chuck. I love you.

The Goals – week-6 results

    • Spend at least 1-hour a day with my characters- done.
    • Daily progress in writing craft, word count, editing, and/or plotting- done. I thought about throwing in the towel on NaNoWriMo a few times this week and I still might, but for now the distraction is helping. I added just over 11k this week which beats my one week 9k total from last week.
    • Take care of and be kind to myself- I could be doing a better job of this, but that’s okay. I’m trying and that’s all that matters right now. Week 7 Priority.

What you might have missed here this week:

Inside Look with Raven McAllan author of Livvy’s Devil Dom

Spotlight: Sweetest Splendor by Kacey Hammell

26 thoughts on “ROW80 Check-in #80 A Tribute

      • So sorry to hear about your fil. My husand passed away in 2001…he also had cancer. My fil passed away in 2004. We weren’t as close as you and your fil…he sounds wonderful. Mine was, too, but there were some issues that seemed so important when my husband and l were dating and got married that aren’t anymore. My fil was in the army…an interragator of prisoners. He was lucky enough to find love twice, his first wife Estelle, a lovely, soft spoken [unless you made her mad, then look out] woman from Bernuda, and his second wife Nancy number 2 [l’m number one].
        All things considered, you did great on the goals. My thoughts are with you.
        My goal is to finish my short story, take care of myself, and not freak out about our layoff.

        • I’m #1 🙂 That’s cute. Wow, an interrogator of prisoners and twice lucky in love. He had an interesting life. Thanks for your support, Nancy. It’s much appreciated.

  1. Hugs, SJ. What a nice tribute to your father-in-law here. Good that your writing is helping you get through this rough time. If there comes a time it doesn’t, then don’t worry about it. Do what you have to to take care of yourself. And thanks for letting us know here.

  2. My condolences on your loss, S.J. My thoughts are with you and your family. I’m amazed you were still able to reach some of your goals this way, but I know from experience, sometimes our strongest emotions are the best fuel for our creativity. Regardless of whether anyone ever sees the results.
    Hang in there. Time does heal wounds, but memories are forever!

    • I’m surprised too, Anne. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep it up, but so far it seems to be helping. Thank you. You’re so right. Memories are forever. That’s what I keep telling my oldest. Ugh. Time, yes, I need more time.

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man to have known. You have done amazingly well to keep writing and achieving your goals, and I’m glad that it is helping you through such a hard time. Best wishes for next week and making taking care of yourself a priority.

  4. I’m so sorry about your father-in-law. I lost my FIL a few years ago and my father last Thanksgiving. The grief does lessen, but I don’t think it ever goes completely away. Just keep remembering all those good times. I know it’s going to take a lot of time to get through it, and it’s sad that your boys won’t have him around. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It’s great tribute to him.

  5. I hope each good memory of your father-in-law eases your sense of loss. I’m always amazed at how difficult it is to write about those we love, to capture their essence in words. Perhaps that’s why we need those hugs and why we need to write. Yes, this is a week, a month, and a year to be very good to yourself and those you love. Cherish each day!

  6. Sidney, I’m SO sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Rest up and definitely be kind to yourself. Quiet is good for a grieving soul. That and staying busy usually help me get through. {{Hugs}}

    • Thank you, Jenny. NaNo got me through the first week. I’m not sure yet what will work for this week. I’ll keep looking. Quiet would be good, but my youngest has different ideas right now, lol.

  7. I’m so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Mine died(also cancer) seven years ago. Thirteen days before our wedding, actually, and exactly one year after I’d met him. It still hurts sometimes, especially when I think neither of my kids will know him.

    It sounds like you’re still doing good on your goals, and I know that writing can be a great distraction. I hope it helps you.

    • Oh Fallon, thirteen days, ouch. I hear ya on the kids. I think that’s what making it harder for me. Writing is a wonderful distraction. I need to lean on it a little more today. Thanks.

  8. I know we don’t know each other personally, but I would like to send a virtual hug or two your way. (((hugs)))

  9. I grieve with you, and I’m also happy you have the connection and the time together to hold close and cherish.

    I hope you will be as kind and patient with yourself and your loved ones as he would be to you. And that, in time, the gift of knowing him will shine more brightly than the shadow of his loss.

    I was 17 when my grandfather died. We were close in many of the same ways you describe, even though I was just one of 36 grandchildren.

    I’m 44, now, and sometimes I still feel a wash of grief as intense as that Thursday he died.

    Sending all the love and empathy and gentleness I can muster. And peace.

    Much love.

  10. Pingback: A Daring Weaving: NaNoROW Update 11/20/13 | shanjeniah

  11. Oh, I finally just got to this, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Even if you feel like it might come, the finality of death can bring about a season of true grief. It’s real, tangible, and sorrowful. My heart goes out to you. *hugs*

    Hang in there and write when you can. I’ll be rooting for you to finish NaNoWriMo! (But remember that even if you don’t because of this interruption from life–and I didn’t last year–you’ll still get so much done that it will be worth it.) I’ll check on you the rest of the week on Twitter! (Not Facebook, because “boo, Facebook” in honor of your FIL.)

    • So true. I had hope right until the last day. So, it hit me very hard.
      I did get so much from it. I the most important lesson learned: I’ve been underestimating myself. That’s a really cool thing to know.
      Thank you, Julie. I really appreciate having your support.

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