Six Sentence Sunday #13

Happy Six Sunday, thanks for visiting and commenting!! I’m continuing this week with another 6 from my Novella WIP. Lydia has gotten excited enough to lean forward and point something out to Jake. Lydia is working hard & Jake well, you’ll see…

“Right here, Jake, we need to add a screen print right here so they don’t get confused.”

She was beautiful in her convictions, but it was the slope of her neck to her shoulder that captured his attention. It would not take much effort to hold her to the spot and lick the junction into his greedy mouth.

“Do you agree, Jake?”

Was she begging him? “Lunch,” he choked.

Something tells me lunch isn’t going to cool this guy off. Thank you so much for stopping by today!! I’d like to know what you really think of my 6. I need the advice, I’m a newbie and have much to learn. Don’t forget to check out the other Six Sunday authors. Lots of good stuff at Six Sunday. Try to find a new favorite today. happy hunting!

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22 thoughts on “Six Sentence Sunday #13

  1. Love poor Jake’s loss of control, can’t wait to see how this develops!

    The only thing that tripped me up was this phrase: “hold her to the spot ” only because he was focusing on a spot on her neck and so then this kind of confuses the image? Maybe “hold her in place”

    • Thanks, Angela! I love that I can count on you to help me out!! It’s strange b/c the last few times I read this section my mind stops on the word “spot” and I have not done anything about it. Now I have a clue to what my problem was. I’m hopeful I’ll pay more attention to my instincts next time. Thank You!!!

      • That’s so cool that you were stopping there, means you’ve got good instincts! I don’t know if I’m able to do this on my own stuff, LOL! That’s why I love other eyes too 🙂

        • Yes, I stopped, but I didn’t know why or what to do once I did 🙂 The 2nd time I stopped I should have tried to figure it out- my fingers are crossed that next time I will.

  2. Nice bit of tension here, S.J. I agree with Angela. The “hold her to the spot” is a big confusing. Granted, this was limited to six sentences, but I’d expand this just a bit. Let him think about his actions. Would putting an arm around her to hold her place so he could explore that spot in leisure be an option? Fill this out a little bit. I think you are definitely on the right track with the vibe of this snippet. Well done.

    • Yeah, I’m glad you got the tension!! Poor Jake is certainly tense. The whole next section I wrote is Jake exploring his reaction. It was fun to write b/c his reaction really rocked his word. I like your thought of casual touch to help him explore a part of his need, hmm…

  3. Jake is very distracted and with good reason! I don’t think he cares too much about her screen prints. Ha!!

  4. Pingback: Six Sentence Sunday #14 « S. J. Maylee

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