Six Sentence Sunday #9

Last week Jake entered THE room and we learned of some of his troubles. Now it’s Lydia’s turn…

She heard the door open, but was hesitant to turn around and see the man standing behind her.

Lydia didn’t often have trouble turning off her internal fantasies.

Jake’s darkening eyes were all her mind could see.

Standing at the window, staring at the trees as they swayed in the wind was not helping.

Usually the site of the ravine behind their building calmed her nerves.

Lydia imagined her body rocking against Jake in a steady rhythm that matched the sway of the trees.

I’m pretty sure Lydia is in trouble too, but you’ll have to come back next week to find out more! Thank you so much for stopping by today!! I’d like to know what you really think of my 6. I need the comments and I love to respond to my comments too. Don’t forget to check out the other Six Sunday authors. Lots of good stuff at Six Sunday. Try to find a new favorite today. happy hunting!

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9 thoughts on “Six Sentence Sunday #9

  1. They’re in for some hanky panky in that room! I enjoyed it. I’m only commenting because you asked for feedback, but my two suggestions for amping it up would be–in the first sentence see if taking out “she heard” helps, these kinds of phrases can distance a reader, so see if it works better just starting with the door opening. But, you might have a reason to not go deep here, so ignore if that’s the case. The only thing that tripped me up when I read was the last two sentences–the rhythm felt off, like they were two disparate things, but were actually needing to be related. Maybe join them together as two independent clauses joined by ‘but’? I don’t know… Just my 2 cents…

    • Thank you for your honesty and you know what, I totally agree with you!! Often I find myself getting caught up in my writing, i.e. feeling more than I’m actually writing down. Yesterday when I read these lines I had the scene fully in my head and I knew what I was seeing. I see know I’ve left several things off the page. Thanks again for pointing this out!!

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